Where the Magic Begins

But before I go, I’ve got to give a proper farewell to one of my greatest loves: NYC!

I’ve only got 2 weeks left starting yesterday, so here it is. The List of things I must do before I can start anew, in no particular order. Some of them are part of my routine — places, activities and foods I’ve grown to love and will truly miss. Others are things I’ve always thought I’d get to but never did. I’m going to try to do them all, one by one, and squeeze every last drop out of the my last days as a New Yorker.

1. Rent a rowboat at The Central Park Boathouse
2. Watch the sunset from The Highline with friends and wine
3. Have lunch at my favorite restaurant, Quintessence.
4. Take a free tango class
5. Go to the top of the Empire State Building after dark.
6. Watch a movie in Bryant Park
7. Indulge in all my favorite sashimi for dinner at Kanoyama
8. Visit The MoMA
9. Visit The Met 
10. See Midnight in Paris at The Angelika
11. Have dinner at Pure Food and Wine 
12. Go to the Union Square Farmer’s Market
13. Get my palm read by the lady I’ve walked past 1,000 times
14. Be in the studio audience at The Daily Show
15. Get a cheap mani-pedi and massage
16. Have a photo shoot with my girlfriends
17. Buy something beautiful from The Upper Rust
18. See La Boheme in Central Park 
19. Ride my bike up the west side to the Little Red Lighthouse
20. Listen to Sunday church bells at Saint Marks Church

The winds are changing in my life. I’m in the midst of cutting ties with a man I’ve spent the last three and a half years with, and as I look at what I have left, I realize the life I had with him was not mine at all. The homes we lived in, the furniture, the trips we took, even some of our friends, were his to share. I’ve been a guest. A long-term, very welcomed guest, but a guest nonetheless. And while my life of cohabitation has been full of beautiful and transformative experiences, a restless wind has been growing within me, rattling an unopened door beyond which lies an undiscovered territory. My instinct tells me that wind, that land, is me.

Now that I think about it, I’ve never taken the time to figure out what it is that I truly want. But really, how could I? I’ve never been on my own. From home to school, relationship to relationship, I’ve compromised under someone else’s shelter, someone else’s demands and desires. Ultimately, if I’m being honest, I relinquished my control in exchange for a life free of responsibility. 

Here is where the magic begins. 

I’ve come to realize that what I need is not a carefree life, but MY life. That I should stand alone is my new goal, so I’m starting over fresh. And this time, I’m holding the reins. Although, as of now, there is neither horse nor cart to speak of; I have no money, no job and absolutely nothing of material worth to show for myself. But what I have got is a desire to learn and grow, to open my eyes a little more each day, to see how light fills each and every one of us, and to explore as much of the world as my body allows. I want to be a student and a teacher, to express myself with love and gratitude, and hear music in everything. What I have is the desire to become myself.

With that, I’m packing my bags and heading into the unknown…

    He decided they’re much more useful to him as pillows.